Becoming a New Me

Becoming a New Me

It occurred to me this week that I’ve finally stepped into this role I’ve been creating for myself.

Ten months ago, I hit critical mass, and broke at the weight of my inability to deal with my mental health. I had fallen silent, quiet, mute. I wouldn’t tell anyone what I really wanted. I thought I knew what I wanted, but honestly, what I thought I wanted was just the ideas of everyone else around me. I was trying to please everyone but myself. I was the biggest people pleaser I knew, and it made me an incredibly unhappy human.

I decided to make a list of everything I wanted to be. A list of traits, characteristics, and morals that I wanted to embody. I wrote out a story, and in that story I wrote about the woman I wanted to become.

She was strong, sweet, honest, sincere, reliable, loyal, respectful, kind, responsible, resilient, passionate, and over flowing with all the things that made her feel alive.

While creating this beautiful narrative by which to live by, I also made the decision to only pursue activities, events, people, and ideals that aligned with this woman I was going to become. This step sounds way easier than it is to implement. It required me to constantly check in within myself and ask “does this serve the woman I want to be, and the future I’m trying to create” ?

I’ve worked so so hard at myself in this past ten months. I’ve learned a value lesson, how to say no to myself, and also to others. I curated her ten months ago, and then I’ve worked relentlessly to become her. I was tired a lot of times, and thought about giving up, but I persevered through the pain. I wanted to be the heroine of my life, and save myself, and that’s exactly what I did.

I spent months of tedious work on my routines, habits, and goals. I pushed myself to leave behind anything that wasn’t going to serve this new woman I was carving out of stone. I welcomed in a whole new set of habits, routines, and goals. I showed myself tons of grace. I allowed for set backs, detours, and reworking of my plans, but wouldn’t allow myself to give up.

I didn’t compromise for what I want or what I stood for, even if that meant rearranging the people closest to me. I’ve made some difficult decisions along this road to self discovery, and painful unexpected departures have happened. But I always remind myself to push forward. I have put my faith in this future of my mine, and I also know that nature abhors a vacuum. Once something is removed from my life, no matter how painful it may be ripped away, something new will inevitably take it’s place, and it’s my job to tend to my garden diligently.

I’ve come to understand that time is the essence of this life. Everything takes time, and nothing good happens over night. Life is a process, and I must stop trying to rush to the finish line. Stop rushing, and start practicing patience. Learn to enjoy the journey. I’ve also come to understand that time is the one great un-renewable resource to us all. I am only allotted so much time, so I won’t waste it on anything that doesn’t serve my purpose and passion in this life.

This past week, It has finally occurred to me that I’m embodying the woman I’ve worked so hard to become. I am proud of all the choices I’ve made to finally get here, because they’ve all involved putting myself first for a change. Each day, I’m learning a new found application to putting myself first, and I realize that this kind of self love benefits everyone around me. I’m able to give my best self to those around me, and that’s one thing that will always make me happy and joyous. So do everyone else a favor, and start choosing you.

Wildly Me

Wildly Me

I’ve been told that I can be too much for people. I’m an enigma; too much of everything and not enough of the right things, all at the same time.

I’ve always been labeled as ‘out of control’. I was too loud, too energetic, too boisterous, too wild, too talkative, too sure of myself, too full of myself, too childish, just a little too strange, too much of something for anyone to deal with me.

I was too much much-iness for a tame lifestyles to ever accommodate me.

I’ve slowly started to realize that this tame, plain jane, average, boring lifestyle wasn’t enough for me. I stopped trying to squeeze myself into other people’s small minded ideas of me, and I broke free of any mold.


I’m learning each day to accept the fact that I am not made for everyone, because I am too unique, weird, too out of the ordinary. I’ve learned to stop quieting my voice, stop taming my wild spirit, stop dimming my own light, and stop dumbing myself down for small minded ideas.

I’ve learned to accept that sometimes my large personality will scare people away, and that’s okay.


I was born to be different, strange, rare, but most of all I was born to be wildly ME.


M i n n e s t o n e r G i r l

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About me

About me

Artist – Visionary – Content Creator

Hippie

Free spirited

Wild child

Pothead

Esoteric White Witch

Stoner

Bookworm

Health nut

Plant Based Vegetatian aspiring vegan

Nature Girl

Animal Lover

Goofball

Weird

Survivor of Depression and a sucidial mind

Advocate for Mental Health

Anxiety riddled

Sensitive

Silly

Semi psychotic

Always neurotic

Honest

Hardworking

US Army Veteran

Gemini – Virgo – Scorpio

Kind heart

Old soul

Midwest Witch

Country Gypsy

Outdoorsy

Gardener

Self empowered woman of weed

Funny

Chronically Awkward

Empath

Intuitive Witch

Moon child

Cannabis Advocate

Creative writer

Aspiring actress

Dog Mom

Future business Owner

Entrepeneur

Influencer 

Forever Curious

Minnesota Girl

MinnestonerGirl

A Message to My Depression

A Message to My Depression

Depression you got me again; You tripped me up, beat me down, brainwashed me to believe you were my friend again.

An inky gray dinginess clouds my vision.

Being angry becomes fun, I snap and snarl at anyone who comes near. Just one more thing might break the camel’s back and I might finally snap. Its a white knuckle way to live, exhausting deep down to the soul. I beg for relief but all my passions losses their potency, and everything is bland. Pain becomes the only constant beside the numb, days morph together, and times loses its value.

But then one morning I wake up, and it feels as if the sickness is reciting. Weak, and sensitive; I’ve learned to take my time with myself during this part of the process. I show myself tons of love, compassion, and even treat myself by indulging in a luxury. Slowly I come back to being a friend and don’t see myself as the enemy.

Depression you got me again; You have one this battle, but you’ve made me become stronger, smarter, better, a warrior, and I plan of winning the war.