Since I was able to write I have been keeping a diary. I remember my first diary was velvety and had a small lock on the front. The pages were extremely small and hard to write complete sentences on, but I loved it because it was mine. I love putting it amongst my things and imagining all the amazing thoughts I would fill the pages with. As I progressed in school, I started to journal less and less. I found writing in my diary a daunting task because of all the writing I did for my school work. I lost the pride I got when I wrote down my thoughts, dreams, and ideas. I forgot how important it was to verbalize and visually see how I felt. Getting the thoughts and emotions on to paper made them more real, and intern realistic to deal with. It wasn’t until I was older than I found my passion for writing again.
It is interesting to note, I have never seen myself as a strong or powerful writer. I often find many mistakes in my work, and leave majority of it unfinished, and unknownable to the general population. Journaling has really become an outlet for me. A way to express myself, my thoughts, my emotions, my hopes, dreams, goals, visions, aspirations. I started writing poet when I was in high school. A lot of my early material I destroy myself, because I was so embarrassed by it. One thing I wish I never would have done! Never be afraid to share your dreams, and never ever be the one to destroy your own dreams. You are meant to inspire and motivate yourself, because there are plenty of haters willing to tear you down.
When I joined the United State Army I picked the hobby of journaling back up. I realized at that time it became a way for me to decompress, to get my emotions out, and feel them properly. I loved the way journaling helped clear my mind, and sharpened my focus. It helped me zero in on exactly what was bothering me, or what I was truly passionate about. It helps put my dreams, frustrations, and fears into view, so I could actually see them. It makes dealing with life easier because I am able to make clear plans for the dreams I wanted to chase, a drawing board for solutions to problems that pesented themselves, and place to hype myself up.
I learned over the year to use my diary as a place to talk myself up and give myself ‘the pat on the back’ I think I truly deserve. Sometimes ( ALOT of times ) we can feel unappreciated and/or undervalued. I know I can take that type of thinking and spiral. I believe I did something wrong, or It was my fault in some way for not getting the recognition I may have deserved. My journal became a place to work though the day and let myself know that I did in fact kick ass, and I also use it as a way to better myself. We can all constantly improve ourselves, and journaling has become a great way to keep track of my goals.
Journaling helps me deal with the demons inside my head, as well as the world around me. I find it incredible difficult to write whats going on in my head when I am dealing with depression. My demons don’t like to be described on paper because it makes it easier to deal with them. Journaling can be the friend you have always wanted. I often struggle opening up to people because I am afraid how they can interpret what I am feeling and who they could tell. I life in fear of disbelief and the anxiety can consume me if I let it. Then i isolate and put up walls that keep many people from getting to know me. I have found the perfect friend in my diary, because the conversations always stay between us.
What ever your diary is to you, its important to keep up on this habit. Its great way to look back at life as you remember it. It can help you inspire you to keep fighting each day for your dreams, and never give up on your goals.