Most of my life I’ve been denying myself of ‘Just going of it’. Like, just living the crazy fun life Ive always dreamed about and being that rad ass person in my brain. But why not? Seems like A lot of work, jut too hard, don’t know where to start, afraid of what everyone will think, afraid to fail, and even still a little embarassed to still call my dreams Mine..
I have thought ALL of these thoughts, and those thoughts have spent 27 years keeping me from going after MY dreams. But what is my ‘dream’? Well I think that’s where I’ve always stopped myself. You see, well I don’t know even know what to call what I want to be when I grow up?! Sounds fucking crazy, right? like I want to be this insanely nice, kind hearted, rad ass human that can inspire other humans to human better. Its a hodge podge of different aspects, aesthetics, and vibes I’ve created over my years, and hope to influence people to love themselves though my expression of life. along this path of lots of wrong turns I’ve learned how to find the good in each and every situation. I’ve learned to grow and change, even in great pain. I’ve learned to love each broken piece of me, and finally accepted the fact that I am beautifully broken.
I want to help people but in a nontraditional sense. By sharing my life stories of where I can from, how I came to be the person I am today, and share my vision of the future me and how I plan to get there. I want to document it all, but that is better said than done. Often times I let my insecurities stop me from the very thing I am trying to overcome. It becomes a nonsensical hamster wheel of Failure. It starts with self doubt, self hatred, depression, and then a sudden realization, spark of inspiration, then insecurities and failure to fins out the cycle. I am not a finisher, I am a visionary, a day dreamer, good at coming up with ideas, but very bad at execution. So how do I become better at execution? I figure if I break the wheel of failure and implement a new method, a successful method, that ends in finishing goals, and succeed manifesting my reality that I could do myself some good.
what could go wrong? besides a million things.
Why not document myself, in the off chance we get this shit right, and we can make one my other dreams come true… Helping other.
So cheers to my failures in hopes that they will one day lead me to my success.
My first failure, thinking my job couldn’t be the job of my dreams. Because here I am, fucking doing it, living my dreams, and man it feels good, scary, but good.
& here is my first lesson to give to the world;
You should just fucking go for it. Whatever it is you want out of life, go for it.