Live Authentic

Worthless. that’s how I’ve felt for the few weeks. I was unable to shake this feeling, and I found little comfort in activities that usually brought me joy. I thought I was a failure, unsuccessful, an idiot, an imposter, a loser. It felt horrible to feel that horrible about myself, but I didn’t know how to stop the spiral of self doubt and self destruction. I scrambled hopelessly to find something that could help ease my anxiety and quell the feeling of failure. I tried exercising, writing, reading, photography, doing my make up, playing dress up, going kayaking, playing with my dogs, gardening, swimming, taking a bath, but nothing seem be the magic cure I was hoping for. I felt like an utter failure as I drug myself back to my therapist office this morning. As I recanted my week and told her about how I was feeling emotionally, she reminded me that I was in fact doing a great job. She explained to me that our thoughts, emotions, and actions all interact and feed off each other, and although I was still feeling horrible I was not letting my thoughts and emotions intefere with my actions. She gave me a new perspective on my battle with mental health. She made me realize that I am finally fighting back, and although I feel like it isn’t enough, I must still acknowledge the progress I have made. I was so in my head about being worthless that when my therapist started pointing about all my accomplishments it took me by surprise. It was a whole new perspective on my progress, and it was exactly what I needed. I came home and started editing photos that I had taken last week. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t bring myself to edit any of the photos till today. Sometimes all we need is a change of perspective to really see all that we have accomplished, and also, to realize that our goals are still obtainable. We just need to put in the work.

 

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