Mindfulness for my Mental Health

Yesterday can be described simply as a shit day. I had a set plan with goals and intentions I planned on meeting. As the day wore on the mounting evidence became damning, the universe was not working with me today. It felt like the universe was actively working against me by the end of the day.

By the end of the day I went to bed with aching regret. I had unleashing my frustration onto a totally stranger who was just trying to help me and do her job. I was definitely in emotion mind after my third attempt was unsuccessful at ordering my prescription through the VA automated system. I just wanted to know if there was any way I could get my prescription quicker, or if I could pick them up at a third party pharmacy?

Simply put, I wanted to speak to a real person rather than a machine. The automated system is designed to help with as many as our needs as possible, without having to talk directly to pharmacy staff. I was put on hold collectively almost an hour, and when I finally was able to talk the first lady from the pharmacy staff, I hit a dead spot in my service and lost the phone call.

This whole situation was all taking place while I was driving my car on the interstate, going 75 mph. I want so badly to break myself of this horrible habit of distracted driving, because my stupid phone not worth someone else’s life. Also driving while in emotion mind leads to reckless driving, and that’s just not cool in my book.

At this point I was frustrated but damn determined to talk to someone, so I tried again for the third and final time. I by passed all the waiting and talked to someone from information directly. I explained my situation, gave my information to the lady, and was put on hold AGAIN. I was fuming, enraged, and unable to take myself out of the situation I was in to clam myself down. When the poor soul finally picked up the other line, I unleashed all of my frustration from the day into this specific situation and onto her. I pointed out my extremely long wait times, just to speak to human being about a few simple prescription refill questions. All of which, by the way, were very unhelpful in my present circumstance. I was short, snappy, and lacked the information she needed to refill my prescriptions. Because my sassy ass had left my prescription at home, and I was driving in the opposite direction. She was able to look up my prescription through my description and broken pronunciation of their names. I hung up the phone, and didn’t even thank her.

This afternoon I was having a cup of coffee with my sister, and she decided to check the mail. I had a first class overnight package. It was my medications I had completely ran out of. I was completely shocked, then I felt extremely sheepish about how childish I had acted toward the woman. I felt this sudden urge to call the pharmacy and seek her out to apologize and thank her. Then I remembered my extremely long wait times the day prior and decided against clogging up the phone lines with an apology. Instead I took this feeling ran with it, and wrote about it.

How we treat others can truly affect how we feel about ourselves. I felt horrible and crappy about my actions toward this woman. Just because I got what I wanted doesn’t mean I should enforce or encourage such behaviors again. Instead I want to learn from this situation and make better choices so I don’t find myself in this same situation again. Frustrated, Stressed, Anxious without my medications, on the interstate, in emotion mind, on hold.

2 thoughts on “Mindfulness for my Mental Health

  1. I have done the exact same thing so many times, I can’t even count. If I’m not lashing out at some poor bastard who has the bad luck of having to deal with me, I’m lashing out at my family. Either way, every damned time I am left full of regret and shame. I am dealing with my own VA pharmacy issues, so I am definitely feeling your pain.

    I know you don’t know me from Adam, but if you ever want to talk, feel free to tap me on the virtual shoulder. You’re not alone, I promise.

  2. First off I would like to say awesome blog! I had a quick question in which
    I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious
    to know how you center yourself and clear your mind
    prior to writing. I have had trouble clearing my mind in getting
    my ideas out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing however
    it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be
    lost simply just trying to figure out how
    to begin. Any ideas or tips? Cheers!

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