Why do I smoke weed… To be more Me & make weed free.
- First thing is first, Cannabis is a fucking plant.
Simple question deserves a simple answer, but to understand my answer you might need some history on me and cannabis.
Stigmas are a bitch, and the stigma around cannabis has pickled the air for nearly 100 years. Cannabis has been around since 500 B.C. and use in every great society leading up to the United States of America. Public fear and civil unrest led to the prohibition of marijuana in the 1930’s. From the 1930’s to present day weed has been the unfortunate scrape goat for problems it had no part in causing. In 1970, our completely honest President Nixon move Cannabis into a schedule One classification drug. Putting it along side opioids, crack, cocaine, LSD, and others.
Cannabis has been picked on, bullied, and the butt of everyones horrible jokes for far too long. It is strange when you think about it. At It’s very nature cannabis is a plant grown from the earth. If we look even a couple hundred years back into Mary Jane’s history, we will find our forefathers using Hemp. Maryland, Virginia, and Connecticut colonies actually requited their farmers to produce hemp. In Asia, Cannabis seeds were used in religious rituals dating back to 800 B.c. Before weed was wrongfully demonized it was actually marketed to helps with upset stomachs, and other illnesses. This plant was used in religions, as textiles, and medication, but now its as bad as crack cocaine for you? wait, wait wait, something doesn’t add up here.
Stigmas are a bitch, and the one around Cannabis is the biggest of them all. Marijuana was easy prey because its defenseless to what we did to it. We had the biggest game of switcher-roo played on us, and we should be upset. which makes it even harder to sit idly by and do nothing. Ive always been the one to stand up for whats right even if I look wrong. And thats exactly what I did, I got fed up of hiding in the shadows of the stigma, and decided to step out and be open about my cannabis use.
I have spent most my life trying to define all stigmas ever cast upon me. Ive always been seen as the pretty blonde girl that didn’t know too much. I was always known as sweet and caring, both of which I strived to be. But I was never seen as intelligent, independent, or a strong leader. I struggled very much with fitting in, because most of my interest weren’t like the others. All I ever wanted growing up was to fit in, and it is so sad to realize. My hopes and dreams always seems too extravagant or unattainable from anyone I was willing to share those ideas with. I grew up always wanted to be enough for my family, but I never was the right stuff. I was always too much of this, and I need to calm down on that, Or I need to practice more of this, and stop spending so much time doing that. My hobbies and interested were often blown off and labeled stupid, pointless, a waste of time/ or money. I was a Seventeen year old girl who was huge in to Fashion, Art, History, Reading, Writing, Theater, Acting, Poetry, Photography, Make-up & Hair, and I living in rural Minnesota, where most families depended on the local manufacturing factories for employment. I was reminded often how impossible it was to get a job in anything I showed true interest in. My father was the person I confided my dreams with, and he was verbally supportive of my dreams and passions, but that was as far as his support went. He passed the summer of 2009, my senior year. Leaving me feeling utterly alone. Unable to get my family or friends to see any of dreams as reality, I became utterly depressed. Something snapped my senior year and I got sick of being pushed around, and never being good enough.
So I switched tactics and decided to please the people I had let down the most. I reject most of my passions, and hobbies, and did something none of my friends expected. I entered the military. My mom was so proud of me; one of the only times I’ve ever heard that praise. I spent the next 10 years of my life trying to do my best to make the people in my life as happy as I wished I could be. I paid very little attention to my emotional self, or my true wants & needs from life. I spent some time playing with make up when I returned from deployment, but Make up was never looked at as anything serious.
2016/2017 was the years I finally cracked under the pressure of the false life I was living. I couldn’t stand the person I was anymore and I became extremely depressed. I had been dealing with depression most of my twenties and never knew it. It wasn’t until I got help, that I realized how bad my mental health was failing me. I had felt for so many years like I was dying from the inside out. I was letting my depression, PTSD, and anxiety call all the shots after my dad passed away. I was so afraid of losing anyone else, so I went to great lengths to please.. everyone, but myself. As I came to terms with how bad my relationship was with myself, I realized that the only way to fix any of this was to fix it by myself. I’ve spent much of my time in the last 10 months reconnecting with who I am, and what I love.
Stigmas can be a bitch; They put a box around us, draw boundary lines, they constrict change and growth, and make it nearly impossible to be creative. They often feed into fear or misinformation, and always always are wrong. Stigma’s makes me feel itchy and claustrophobic.
Cannabis has not only helped me work through my emotions and navigate my illnesses more properly, but its help me reconnect with the things I love. I found my passions for running, painting, yoga, music, creating art, acting, drawing, reading, writing, photography, cinematography, gardening, spending time in nature, hiking, make up…& all while using Cannabis.
- Cannabis given me the confidence to be more me, and thats freedom.
- Smoking cannabis helps me show who I am, and explore all the creative corners of my mind.